Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Looking through the fog...

In this picture, the fog was starting to roll in when I took the shot. Within a matter of minutes you couldn't even see the cross from where I was standing.

Lately, this is how I kinda feel in life.

Mom's in the hospital on a ventilator. No real idea from the docs what caused her to go into Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. She can't breathe on her own right now. During the day, she is responsive and then at night, her levels crash and my emotions are on the same roller coaster that her levels are on.

Keeping my eyes on the Cross of Christ is a challenge. When I am emotionally engaged in what is happening with my mom, I freak out. I can't see Him or what He's doing here.

If I step back and disengage emotionally, the rational side of me can agree that God's hand is Sovereign and good and He will prevail, no matter what the outcome.

I think the balance is learning to allow His Presence into my emotional wreck and let Him make sense out of my processing and trusting Him with her life and with my own.

And I know that eventually, the fog clears and I'll see clearly again.

Tomorrow, I will spend my day at the hospital watching her. Tomorrow night I will spend my time worshiping Him.

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